Homebirth

Alice's Birth

May 26th, 2010 11:49a.m.

I gave birth at home, on purpose.  It was not something brave or crazy.  It was just something that I did, because it was what felt normal and natural to me.  Thankfully, my husband trusts me and my body, and was agreeable almost from day 1.
I am not going to get into all of the reasons why I chose to give birth at home, how we chose our midwife, how we paid, who would be at the birth and why, etc.  This post would take DAYS to write if I did all of that.

This story is about Alice's entry into our world, making it perfect and complete.

Our baby (gender unknown at the time) was due on May 30th.  On Tuesday, May 25th, I had been having contractions at work-nothing regular or strong, just noticeable.  That evening, we were at our next-door neighbor's house, and I watched the clock, anticipating the next faint contraction.  This was so exciting-my little secret.  I am going to give birth very soon and NOBODY knows except for me (and the good Lord).  Okay, I mentioned it to my husband, but downplayed it just in case I was wrong.
Lucy had swim lessons at 5:10pm...while watching her swim, 5:30pm brings my most noticeable contraction.  I said to myself, "if I have one at 5:45 pm, it's go time!"  Well, I didn't have one then.  I really really hoped for a middle of the night birth, imaging my girls waking up just before baby is born so they can see it all happen!  On the other hand, I day dreamed about a later morning or early afternoon birth-imagine having the rest of the day to relish that juicy, sweet, squishy, warm newborn! Contractions lasted for the rest of the evening, some 15 min apart, some 30 min apart, which is why I didn't bother calling our midwife, thinking this could last for a long time.  I also told myself if I ever get a good night's sleep, tonight is the night!  TJ asked if the baby was coming and I said I wasn't sure yet, but inside, I KNEW I wouldn't be going to work in the morning.  I guess I knew baby was coming but didn't want to jinx things by saying it out loud to TJ.
3:41a.m. awoken by a contraction.  Fell back asleep.  3:56a.m. another contraction.  Okay, 15 minutes on the nose!  I continued contractions 15-18 minutes apart, still sleepy in between contractions, though, so I didn't wake TJ up until about 5 a.m., telling him he wouldn't be going to work today.
TJ, my husband, my doula, had been my strength and my voice through my previous 2 labors, both of which occurred in hospitals, and he spoke for me, refusing pitocin and reminding the midwife that I had no intention of an epidural (while I was frozen in pain in the hospital bed).  My birth partner, never doubting this life event and my body's ability to endure and thrive.  I couldn't have given birth the way I was able to without him by my side.

I finally called our midwife, Aly, around 5a.m., out of respect for her and the fact that she has a family and other patients, should she have to change her plans for the day.  We talked on the phone throughout the morning, calling each other if there were changes or just to report what was happening.  EVERYTIME I talked to her, my contractions would slow down after we hung up!  I guess she relaxed me too much.  At 6:30 a.m., I called my sister, Emily, to let her know that she could come and get the girls "whenever, sometime this morning, no rush".

Timing contractions

The girls helping me through contractions

Emily arrived around 8:30 a.m. and I vividly remember having a strong contraction in the garage, while helping my nephew retrieve a toy.  I had to pause and everyone was like, "Sarah, are you okay?".  Still pausing..okay contraction complete.  "Yup, just having a contraction."

By 9 a.m., contractions were 5-6 minutes apart so I called Aly again.  After we hung up, they stretched out to 7-9 minutes apart!  They were strong, but nothing I couldn't handle on my own.  TJ was bored out of his mind and was considering mowing the lawn; he asked if I thought the baby was really coming today and I told him we would have a baby before noon.  We went for a walk for about 20 minutes, during which I had 4 contractions.  I wondered if any of my neighbors were watching and if they had any clue what I was doing, walking so slowly with my giant belly protruding.  It was a warm spring day, but there was a nice breeze; I do remember feeling uncomfortably warm during the stronger contractions. I felt so in tune to myself and my surroundings! I didn't have the pleasure of walking around in familiar surroundings with my first two labors in the hospital.  Laboring at home was really fun!
At 10:02 a.m, I had a contraction that had me saying, "Ouch, ouch, ouch!" for the first time.  I called Aly after that but told her that I wanted to time a few more contractions because of the fact that they slowed down every time I talked to her.  And slow down they did, but they became intense!  TJ decided it was time to stay by my side and he urged me to call Aly to come over, so at 10:40a.m., I told Aly, "I think we are ready for you to come."
Suddenly, I felt the urgency, too.  I told TJ we need to fill the birthing tub NOW.  He thought we should wait until Aly got to our house, but I insisted, "we need to have it filled by the time she gets here.  This is going to happen."  I wanted a water birth so badly, just to feel what is what like to be in water throughout contractions.  Shortly before we started to fill the birthing tub, I felt like I was going to vomit, so I knew the baby was close and it would mostly be a whirwind from here.  I began to enter birthing world...a foggy, dreamy presence.  God knew what He was doing when he gave us this labor fog.
OK, so about filling the tub: 2 things you should know!  1 Your hot water heater might not be big enough and 2 beware of the water pressure of the hose.  TJ was in the basement turning the water on while I was in the bathroom enduring who knows what.  I heard the rushing of water and ran to the bedroom where the tub was...the hose was shooting water straight up to the ceiling!  One corner of the room was drenched!  I grabbed the hose and pointed it back into the tub, having a strong contraction all the while.  We had a laugh in the middle of labor.  Another first.
Aly arrived right after that around 11:15a.m.  We hadn't bothered drying up the walls, contractions were coming too closely together.  In fact, the water marks are still on the wall in the bedroom-I smile to myself when I notice them.
How quickly labor progressed from here!  In retrospect, baby would'be been born by 11:30a.m (15 minutes after our midwife arrived)... I held baby in...read ahead.
Aly was setting up everything necessary for the birth, and only that which was necessary-she immediately recognized how quickly labor was progressing and try as she might, she couldn't get any vitals.  She listened to baby through one contraction and that was it, no time for blood pressure readings, no heart rates timings.  We never checked my dilation (not that I wanted her to, but it was something that was done way too often in the hospital).
Within a few minutes after Aly arrived, I was at the point where the only thing to get me through each contraction was through human contact, to pass that energy on through another person, holding on to them and swaying, as though each contraction had rhythm.  There is immeasurable energy in labor contractions!  It is best to share it with someone.  I remember saying to TJ and Aly, "How the hell did I do this in the hospital?  They made me lay in a bed and wouldn't let me get up?!!?  There is no way...".  For this labor, I did not sit or lay down once; I spent the entire time on my feet, walking or swaying with TJ (or Aly while TJ was busy boiling water).  They both felt so strong to me.  I also remember thinking how soft Aly felt and that was for some reason so comforting to me.  Aly reminded me that the baby was getting lower and lower with each rush of "contractions"...I did learn from Ina May Gaskin (read her books if you are expecting, no matter where you plan to give birth!) to think of each contraction as a "rush"; just the word "contraction" sounds tense, tightens the muscles, restricts baby's passageway, which is of course the opposite of what you want to happen.
Toward the end of labor, my body directed itself into my birthing room, the baby's future nursery.  I recall saying to Aly, "I must look awful!"  She told me I looked beautiful...and she was so right!  I would never call myself beautiful, but when I caught an image of myself in the mirror in between contractions, I thought to myself I AM beautiful!  This is so beautiful!  I felt so happy to be at home and I took those very few seconds to look around and realize where I was.  This is my house!  I am so comfortable!  I am giving birth the way that I intuitively know how to give birth, trusting my body to do it's God-given skill of birthing a human being.  How incredibly awesome.  No damn plastic baby monitors slipping all over my belly with those rubber-smelling bands!  No IVs!  Nobody telling me to lay down!  I felt love and comfort.
Not everything about birth is awesome.  It hurts. Badly.  With all of my babies, I wanted to push them out before "things" were ready (at the hospital, "things" meant "hospital policy"; at home, "things" meant our hot water heater wasn't big enough and TJ had to boil water to get the water in the birthing tub warm enough to be comfortable for me and safe for baby).  This powerful urge to push is unbearable.  So, how do you get through it?  I discovered two ways: 1. deep breath in and exhale like this "Pah! Pah! Pah!" really loud. 2.  grab the nearest towel and shove it between your legs.  I'm tellin' you, that towel made holding a baby in utero so much easier.  This is not an exaggeration.  I held that baby in for nineteen minutes, wanting to push the entire time.
Once you exclaim, "I CAN'T DO THIS ANYMORE!", baby is probably not going for the whole towel barrier thing.  My water broke right after I exclaimed that, Aly proclaimed the tub temp"okay", and I plopped in to the birthing tub faster than Aly had ever seen a pregnant woman in labor about to give birth move (according to her).
Just as awesome as knowing I could finally push was the feeling when I finally entered the birthing tub.  For a few moments, I lost my sense of what to do next...do I push?  When?  I could barely feel the contractions/rushes, but I knew baby was right there and I knew that when I had been out of the water, I wanted to push so I just started pushing.  It didn't feel quite right at first and I realize now that I probably was not in a contraction that first moment of confusion.  A few seconds later everything connected and I felt the pushing coincide with a rush and the pressure of baby crowning.  A few pushes later and baby's head came out.  One more push and that awesome relief of baby's shoulders passing...Tj caught her and then she was in my arms.  After a few blissful minutes, we realized that we had NO IDEA if this sweet, blue-ish colored miracle was a boy or girl, so TJ checked and reported, "It's another girl!'  Our third princess was born at 11:49 a.m.

She was so blue, I was worried. Aly reassured me that water born babies tend to be a little more blueish.  Don't worry, keep her warm and close to your skin and nurse her as soon as you can!  Later that evening, my dad, of all people, commented at how lovely her coloring was.  My dad, of all people, called me later and said he thinks there must be something to this homebirth thing, commenting on how good baby's coloring was and how healthy she looked and how well I was.

Aly

Baby born and healthy-check.
Placenta delivered-check.
Cord stopped pulsing and cut-check.
Comfortable and warm in my own bed, next to my husband-check.
Baby nursing-check.
Some food and drink for me-check.
Post-pardum bliss achieved-check.

The next morning, we name our baby Alice Mary (Alice after TJ's late maternal grandmother, Mary after my middle name).
I believe I would've had a healthy baby if Alice had been born in a hospital, but her birth story would've been a heck of a lot different.  Giving birth has always felt so empowering to me.  Giving birth at home felt more than empowering; what the word is to describe that, I don't know.  The feeling was so much more inside of me, connected, natural, righteous, "groovy".  It is a feeling that stays with me now, and has helped to enhance the person I am growing into as a parent.
Homebirth is not crazy.  Homebirth is radical (Meaning: "of or having roots," Meaning "going to the origin, essential").